Korea!

24 hours until i'm on a plane to Korea from my home in canada, and all i can think about is how hungry i am gonna be when i step off that plane. Eloquent, eh?

I'm at my parents, my mom helped my re-dye my hair blue before family pictures tommorow, i was up with her having a bit of whiskey as we wrapped presents and talked until 4 in the morning. Which is the time right now.

My minds are wandering to my forum community and my skype contacts. for about 8 months now, literally, near the time of a baby's fermentation (whee and i'm going to be a med field student.), and this si the first time in 8 months, i've been away for skype for more than a few hours.

Sad, right?

I read somewhere that people become too attached to the personalities behind a screen. I think that is so very true. Humans seek socialiaztion, it's part of our nature. When an immediate form is, less than well, immediate, with technology the way it is- the internet is a substitute.

But is it just another kind of meat, or is it a supplement?

In my opinion, i think it is a supplement. Some sci fi books describe a type of food you can eat like a pill, and the tech is so advanced you can survive on it for months, but it's no replacement for a decent meal.

I think that, emotionally, mentally, relationships online are like those sci fi supplement food pill things. You can subsist on them, but they're not quite as filling as the real deal.

I suppose i am blessed, i balance the two out.

Even more blessed are the, what i feel, rewards of establishing these relationships. People are endlessly fascinating creatures. You can have two of a type and they can still be original, like flowers, or snowflakes, or crystals.

though don't let some of my relationships online let you catch me calling them flowers, snowflakes, or crystals. Some of them would prefer to be related to anything sweaty and manly and chest-thumping-- i'm exaggerating at that point to tease. ;D

Yet it stands- people are endlessly fascinating.

I suppose the longest relationship i've had online is the one that i am going to korea to meet. i say -going to- but really, he paid for the ticket and is letting me shack up in his sanctuary. I know i blogged earlier about the tablet giving being the nicest thing anyone has ever done?

To date, the korea thing shines the brightest. A complete act of kindness, to get me to come to visit... it baffles me.

The tablet baffles me in the same way. i look at the other person with such gratefulness, and wonder.

Why do you feel i am worthy of this? is what i want to ask. Why? Why me?

Yet it would be rude, because when someone does something nice for you, and you make a big deal out of it, you just want to shake the person. just take it! just accept this!

i know because i'm usually in the giving position. lol

however, it ties back into why people are so fascinating. Just when i think i'm ready to sign the human race off, things happen. And not to just necessarily me, i hear of great acts of kindness.

It's the fuel i turn to most people who are, who have, seen the ugly of this world and been scarred by it, ruined, tainted, broken, and i project my love to them. I try to.

Is it naieve to trust someone? quite possibly.

But if you can't trust someone, who can you trust? Soon you start distrusting yourself.

The key to life, in my opinion, and a healthy heart, a healthy soul, a happy one, is accepting the pain and accepting the sadness, allowing yourself to cry and feel the pain, but to never close your eyes to anything. Never close your heart yo anything. Take the pain, with the good, the love, the colour, the joy, the music, the nature, the things that are just as close to you as suffering.

I suppose i'll wrap up my 4 in the morning philosophies with, anyone i've talked to about this trip, has said, "you're a fool." why do this? it's crazy, it's korea, and i've never met this guy except on the internet over skype.

I just say, because i do. Because i am. because i trust, and because i will live. sure, things can go horribly wrong, i'm not saying i haven't had nightmares, i have. all this week up tot his 24 hour period of time.

but you hear stories of guys who, at the time, has a risk, an oopurtunity, and didnt take it. people who played safe all the time.

the world is too sterile, and clinical. Kids nowadays who stay inside get sick more often compared tot he kid who eats boogers and goes outide and gets dirty. There's a reason.

anyways. seems i can't wrap up my brain, so i'll end it here.

i'm scared shitless, and i'm nervous,

but i still can't wait to get off that plan and go for pancakes with my buddy.